Below is an article I wrote last year after an epic adventure. The photo is from the start, that's all runners headlamps This event is amazing and I will end up going back some day. Enjoy
I may very well be the dumbest person you’ll get to meet. Why do I say that? Well Ellen and I just got back from France where I ran a 66 kilometer trail run with 11,000+ feet of climbing. Now ultras are not dumb but running one on no training certainly is. I think I have run 12 times this year due to work and too many injuries. But I said I was doing it so I had to toe the line. In my racing past I’ve had to go to what I call a dark place many times. It is that spot where you either quit or finish. It’s going to hurt and you’ll have to use your mind way more then anything else because your body will abandon you. On the plus side you do learn a lot in a dark place.
Here’s the story.
The first 35k running with Fleet Feet’s very own K-Robb and his wife wasn’t too bad. I thought to myself that since they had trained a ton maybe they did enough to cover my lack of training. I was wrong. I came into the aid station and met Ellen and the rest of our crew and said I’m done. I figured stop before I do too much damage. Then they tell me it is a 3 mile walk to the car, so I decide to run the 10k to the next aid station. This leg was 5k straight up and then 5k straight down. The 5k up is when things started to get dark, not outside but inside me. This didn’t feel good and my body did not wish to keep doing it. I would have to use my head to get me to the next aid station as I had just told my ride to leave. Well I made it to the top and the descent begins. I chose the mantra “Gravite et Gratus” Which apparently is made up French for Gravity is free ‘because that is all I was thinking. I hammered the downhill having a blast jumping over all sorts of stuff and flying by the poor saps that planned to run further then the next aid station. Not me I thought I’m done.
Well I get to the next station at 45k and pound some sweets and soup and of course more nectur of the gods, carbonated water with high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors, Coke. I hung out for a bit and then stupidly ask to see the map. I ask how bad does the next section look and it really didn’t appear that bad so I announce that I am dumber then they all thought and head out. Again tons of up hill and the legs immediately announce that they do not wish to go up hill any longer. Lots of bad thoughts are in my head now but I have no choice but to continue. You can’t just drop out in the middle of a leg as we were running in the middle of the Mountains with very few towns around. I get to the first ropes section and the field comes to a stop. There goes my free gravity. Once we finally get moving after the ropes I go back to hammering the down as I used my anger of the 30 minute delay as fuel.
So a mantra saved me once and now anger did. I doubt I’ll get lucky a third time.
I arrive at the 55k aid station and have no choice but to go on. I’m only 11 k from the finish. I grab some quick sweets and coke and get moving. I felt really pretty good. The map didn’t look too severe and it started out on an easy trail with very little up. I’m finally running on something other then rocks and the trail is wide. Then it all goes to crap. Straight up and rocky with a ledge on one side. I’m done. I’m moving on fumes. The tank is empty. The good news is I must not have much more to go as I left the aid station 1.5 hours earlier. I’m pushing on my legs to make them go up hill just to try and get moving. I find a race official on the course and ask fini kilometer. His answer was 7. How did 4 k just take me 90 minutes? I go around the bend in the trail and sit down. My mind is fried. This may be the darkest moment in my racing career. If it took 90 minutes to go 4k and I have 7k to go I’ve got a real long ways to go. All I want to do is sit here and wait. Wait for what I don’t know, maybe I’ll feel better, maybe I’ll just sleep out here tonight, I don’t know but I did know that I didn’t want to keep going. I think that I used to be half way decent at this stuff and now I can’t move. I kick myself for not training, for putting fitness on the backburner for 3 years after 20+ years of it being my sole focus. I sit there sucking on what little water I have left watching others trudge by. They try to encourage me to come with them and finally I do but this is going to hurt. My body isn’t working and now my mind is smoked. All I can do is stare at the pair of calves in front of me and try to stick with them. We climb for what feels like an hour or more and finally hit the top, with 3.9 k to go. At least no more climbing. Just some flat and then a technical descent with ropes down to the finish. I’m still in a pain induced dark place but I’ll make it to the end. I finish with a “full Doyle salute” (it’s a FF Roc thing) get changed and head home.
So what did I learn in this dark place. One I gotta train for these things. Two your mind can get you out of a really tight spot if you just use it. Three and most important for me I learned I gotta train for these things. I used to train 20+ hours a week as a pro duathlete and I don’t like not being in shape. Being out of shape has made me a person that I didn’t use to be. Not only do I have 30 extra pounds but I am a different person. I get tired easy, I’m more tense, and my fuse is shorter. These are all bad things and I need to get back out on the roads and trails just enjoying being in shape so I can be the person I used to be. My family deserves that, my wife certainly does and so do my employee’s, teammates and customers.
So don’t be afraid to push yourself into a dark place by taking on a new challenge. Sign up for that triathlon, even though you can’t swim yet, or find an ultra to do, or heck, decide to walk an extra mile on your loop tonight. The challenge is individual to each of us and one is not tougher then another as it will be a big leap no matter what you choose to do or you current level of fitness. You might be surprised at what you find. At least learn from me and train for it though.
I’ll see you out there, it might be on the trails or the roads, on a bike or running, snowshoeing or just hiking with the dog, but you will see me out there.
Live FIT.
